Thursday, March 31, 2005

Misanthropist's heaven...

You know you spend too much time alone when..

  • you know the names of all of Oprah’s regular guests…
  • you make your own pasta sauce on a weekday afternoon…
  • your imaginary friends have their own imaginary friends…
  • every time the phone rings you pump your fist and scream “YES!”…
  • you make up games with the things lying around the house…
  • you lose money to yourself while betting at those games…
  • you write scripts that send you emails everytime the news websites are updated..
  • you have an internet friend in every major city in the world…
  • your ranked #2 in TriviaCafe with 12,000 points…
  • you develop a winged scapula and carpal tunnel syndrome from overusing the laptop…
  • you countdown to 6pm coz its time to go to the gym…
  • you know the lyrics of every Nelly song on your playlist…
  • you ask yourself questions, answer them and exclaim “I told you so” aloud..
  • you actually start to wonder if marriage is the answer...

*The title's been borrowed from the first page of Wuthering Heights...

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Of Guitars and Ipods...

My first memories as a music aficionado go back to mid-eighties with Ma listening to the “imported” Sony FM-AM transistor while carrying out her afternoon chores. Rafi, Lata, Kishore Kumar, Manna Dey, S D Burman, R D Burman.. the entire pantheon of the hindi music industry seemed to descend into our humble abode to serenade me to my euphonic siesta.

Over the next few years, my taste in music didn’t change a great deal, limited entirely to Aakashvani and the much-anticipated Chitrahaar on Wednesday evenings. I remember getting my first cassettes, Glorious Amithabh Bachan in 4 volumes! 3 months and 20,000 playbacks later, each volume had a high pitch pre-amplifier screech accompanying the sonorous tones of “Neela aasman so gaya”.

My first real rendezvous with cultural globalization, Rohit singing “I just called to say I love you” at the Spelling Bee in grade 4. I had found my favourite kind of music… “English music!!!”. I couldn’t wait to fill out the end of year scrapbooks “favourite music” category with my new heroes… Michael Jackson, Wham, Phil Collins, Bryan Adams, Boy George, Foreigner, Richard Marx, Elton John and every other queer in the world.

Puberty brought with it a whole new genre of music, Sex. “Lets talk about sex”, “Im gonna sex you up”, “Tease Me”, “A la-la-la long”, “Who the fuck is Alice”, “Can I touch you there” and all other songs with sexual connotations were memorized and ceremoniously heard during every shower and school outing. Screaming out the word “fuck” each time in chorus with Smokie seemed like a moral victory much to the disdain of the tyrannical teachers.

The next phase was almost a manifestation of the divergence in tastes between us guys and them girls. We headbanged and played air-guitar to Guns ‘N Roses, Metallica, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, AC/DC, Megadeth, Iron Maiden and the likes. They crossed their legs and crooned to Celine Dion, Sting, MLTR, Whitney or closed their eyes and sighed to Boyzone, N’ Sync and Backstreet Boys with a “He understands women. I can feel it. Why cant these idiots be like him” countenance upon their faces. Every girl dreaded the last few songs at socials where their knights would abandon them as soon as the first few notes of “Sweet Child O Mine” or “Roadhouse Blues” boomed over the sound system. What followed was a display of an unbridled flow of adrenalin, perspiration and the following day, of Iodex.

I think most music-lovers find their enduring soul-mates in their first few years of college, outside the norms of conformism. It was then that I discovered the likes of Floyd, Tull, Led Zep, Dylan, Clapton, Knopfler, Tracy Chapman, CCR, Cale. Ironically, during this phase I also rediscovered the melodies of old hindi movies. It might have been the fact that I was away from home or simply the completion of the circle of consonance.

They say you can tell a lot about a person from what he wears or what he eats. I think you can tell a lot more from his ipod playlist. The now playing song probably reflects his disposition, the genre his current predicament. A few years ago, my guitar was my most valuable possession. Today, its my little albino friend. Before this sounds like a glorified ad for Jobbs, I will bid adieu.. or as my now playing song goes… “Ai dil chal peekar jhoome, In galiyon mein ghoome…..”.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Conformists...

"I'm not afraid to compete. It's just the opposite. Don't you see that? I'm afraid I will compete -- that's what scares me. That's why I quit the Theatre Department. Just because I'm so horribly conditioned to accept everybody else's values, and just because I like applause and people to rave about me, doesn't make it right. I'm ashamed of it. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody. I'm sick of myself and everybody else that wants to make some kind of a splash."
- J D Salinger, ‘Franny and Zooey’.


These words strike a despondent note somewhere.

The buzzword going around most circles off late has been “MBA”. These three letters supposedly guarantee the manifestation of the rosy dream of a top management position, entry into high society and a minimum of 400 responses to your matrimonial ad.

In my ninth grade, someone asked me what I wanted to do in the near future. Without hesitation I replied, “An Engineering degree followed by an MBA”. At that juncture I didn’t really know or care about what either pursuit entailed. What I did know was that it would make people around me look up with a certain sense of pride and or envy. That’s all that mattered anyway.

Ravi Bhaiya did his engineering from BMS college and an MBA from IIM Bangalore. Everyone in the family spoke incessantly of his accomplishments. His resume was recited at every family dinner. His myriad marriage proposals were the talk of every Bua and Chachi during the commercial breaks of “Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi”. As every lentil eating Baniya is expected to do, Ravi gave up his $ 144,000 a year job at Citibank’s Melbourne office to return to Panipat to join the family business of manufacturing and exporting towels… bath towels, hand towels, beach towels..

I’m not really sure what purpose the above anecdote served but it just seemed appropriate.

An MBA, for me, is a necessity today not because of the promises of a push button life but because it has become a social construct. A child is first admitted into premier primary and secondary schools. The first major choice arises whilst choosing between Science, Commerce and Arts in Junior College. Arts has almost become a tabooed word, synonymous with hippies and homosexuals. “Acha, commerce liya hai Pappu ne, ache marks nahin aaye honge”, the typical response to choosing Commerce, leaving Science as the obvious choice if the child is intelligent, ambitious and civilized.

The next major decision is to choose between Medicine and Engineering. All other options are negated altogether until the entrance exam results AND if the dalal quotes a figure which can’t be covered even after pawning the last lungi in the house for a “management seat”. This choice is usually left to the teenager who would opt for either based on a role model (read Ravi Bhaiya) or a penchant for blood/diodes/cars/nurses/quantum physics/procreation…

Those, who traverse the path leading to the Hippocratic oath are ignored hereafter.

The step following the magna cum laude engineering degree is more than obvious. Either study for the CAT for an admission into the IIMs or gather enough work experience, do the GMAT, and then apply to the top B-schools in the world. There also exists a profound hybrid system wherein one could do the GMAT, renounce their nationality and then apply to the IIMs as a firang.

Why do people do an MBA? Six figure US dollar salaries? Networking? B-School brand equity? Exposure?

I think Mr. Salinger would beg to differ. He, I hope, would think they do it because they are conditioned to accept everyone else’s values. Social conditioning gives birth to the worst kinds of conformists.
This is not about the MBA program at all, its about following your heart.. chasing your own dreams… building your own castles...

If everybody were a somebody, then there would be no one left to be a nobody. The world relies on nobodies. I have spent most of my life living up to other people’s expectations.. their values… their norms… forming an identity they envisaged for me. Like Franny, I think I have now mustered enough courage to be an absolute nobody…


Afterthought: The world needs more physicists than risk analysts…… Sikkim needs teachers more than the US needs research analysts..